Destructoid Provides So Much Useless Text

Posted on April 15, 2011

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This is not to say this game isnt embarrassing on its own (it is), but holy hell, Destructoid...

Where to begin with this giant piece of stinking shit?

Ostensibly a preview of The Witcher 2, this article goes on way too long, says some amazingly stupid things in confoundedly idiotic ways, and just is perfectly emblematic of the level of quality usually present when gamers are told to write something about their hobby of choice.

Amazingly stupid things:

After waking up next to the lovely Triss Merigold — who happens to sport the best areola and shaven vulva textures of any game to date

Wow.  Good to know what this writer cares about in his game, and that he has apparently seen enough of these in games to form a judgement about them.  I can’t even begin to imagine how one becomes an expert in these kinds of textures.

Soldiers idle, train, and talk about rape and glory

So this is supposed to be getting me enthused about this game?  I know, The Witcher is not the most mature of games at all, but should we really be bragging about it?

These former acquaintances are happy enough to fill you in on some of your previous dealings with them, including tales of even more rape and murder. If you are sick of JRPGs or anime tropes that deal with sexual innuendo involving 12 year old girls, and prefer a brutal and adult medieval fantasy world, this is the game for you.

See above.  “Adult” indeed.  Again, I am not necessarily mocking the game.  It is what it is (an adolescent power fantasy, which is all most games are anyhow), but should this really be something that gets praise?

Anyhow, you get the idea.

In confoundedly idiotic ways:

After the White Wolf is being brought to an interrogation chamber

Let me be a grammar nerd for a second and point out that I have no idea what tense that is supposed to be.

until a “monster” enters the fray changes the mathematics of warfare

I think you might be missing some words there, buddy.

In short, Destructoid needs to hire two editors: one for grammar, the other for shame.

Thanks to bza for the heads up.