Objectification of Fictional Women and their Butts: Go Go Gamer Embarrassment.

Posted on January 18, 2011


Check it.

Yeah, yet another “Top Ten Hottest Game Chick Whatevers” list, though this one has some amazing choice quotes to study when examining how horrid gamers treat women.

Let’s go entry by entry, shall we? Hover text is on, by the way.oh boy.

#10: “You also may have noticed that only Halo 2 and 3 are listed next to her name. Before any fanboys get all uppity, we are well aware that Cortana was in the original Halo. Maybe you should go back and check her out and then you’ll realize why we didn’t include it. Hint: she’s kinda ugly.

oh no

#9: “Alyx also fills the multi-ethnic desires of a lot of dudes. She is so exotic, in fact, that she has no choice but to make out with herself, and she has no problem getting dirty.


#8: “At some point, there has likely been a Lara Croft model that you would totally bone. Even if her ass hasn’t met your standards yet, there’s hope that it will get bigger/smaller/rounder/flatter in the future.


#7: “The Dark Queen was actually the first non-real vision of the female form that gave me a boner.


#6: “Nintendo is teaching us that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, especially if what’s on the inside is a hot babe.


#5: “Vanessa attacks her opponents by dancing hypnotically in skin-tight outfits and using the concentrated hotness to fire beams of eroticism that make her foes have brain aneurysms. That, or she just has Parkinson’s and shoots regular lasers.”


#4: “At this point, the whole “they’re just fake” argument for why videogame characters shouldn’t actually be able to turn you on, well, it goes out the window. Why? Because all four of the Beauty and the Beast chicks are actually modeled after real beauties.

oh boy.

#3: “Oh yeah, and Rayne is so legitimately hot that she actually posed for Playboy magazine as part of a special feature about hot chicks in videogames.


#2: “Realistically, it’s not much worse than a lot of outfits in women’s sports.


Special Mentions: “This is the kind of girl that begs you to cut off her head. What? Oh, alright, you can just put a bag over it.


Special Mentions BONUS: “Okay, the Rumble Roses chicks have big fat asses. There are lots of people that like big fat asses, but I’m not one of them. Sorry, Rumble Roses girls, but your asses are too fat for this list.


#1: “In addition to the fact that these polygonal posteriors are round and perky, the idea that you are surrounded by them makes it all the better. After all, a room full of nice asses is generally better than just one nice ass. Can I get an amen?

So there it is.  And holy shit, what is wrong with gamers?