Yeah, yet another “Top Ten Hottest Game Chick Whatevers” list, though this one has some amazing choice quotes to study when examining how horrid gamers treat women.
Let’s go entry by entry, shall we? Hover text is on, by the way.
#10: “You also may have noticed that only Halo 2 and 3 are listed next to her name. Before any fanboys get all uppity, we are well aware that Cortana was in the original Halo. Maybe you should go back and check her out and then you’ll realize why we didn’t include it. Hint: she’s kinda ugly.”
#8: “At some point, there has likely been a Lara Croft model that you would totally bone. Even if her ass hasn’t met your standards yet, there’s hope that it will get bigger/smaller/rounder/flatter in the future.”
#5: “Vanessa attacks her opponents by dancing hypnotically in skin-tight outfits and using the concentrated hotness to fire beams of eroticism that make her foes have brain aneurysms. That, or she just has Parkinson’s and shoots regular lasers.”
#4: “At this point, the whole “they’re just fake” argument for why videogame characters shouldn’t actually be able to turn you on, well, it goes out the window. Why? Because all four of the Beauty and the Beast chicks are actually modeled after real beauties.”
Special Mentions BONUS: “Okay, the Rumble Roses chicks have big fat asses. There are lots of people that like big fat asses, but I’m not one of them. Sorry, Rumble Roses girls, but your asses are too fat for this list.”
#1: “In addition to the fact that these polygonal posteriors are round and perky, the idea that you are surrounded by them makes it all the better. After all, a room full of nice asses is generally better than just one nice ass. Can I get an amen?”
So there it is. And holy shit, what is wrong with gamers?